American League All Stars & Why They Will Win The All Star Game

 

American League Starting Lineup

1. Jose Altuve, 2B, Astros, brian's Team - Altuve has been consistent week in and week out, potential first half MVP & a one of the reasons why Brian is at the top of the leader board in every category.

2. Mike Trout, CF, Angels, Springifield Isotopes - Trout is the face of the MLB and arguably the biggest & brightest young star in the AL. As Trout heated up, so did the Springfield Isotopes.

3. Manny Machado, 3B Orioles, Let Drake Stay!!!! - Arguably the best fielding 3B in the game, has an absolute gun slinger for an arm, he desrves this start as the 3 hitter for the AL squad.

4. David Ortiz, DH, Red Sox, Mark's - In his last all star game and maybe his best season yet, David Ortiz is benefiting from all the young bats in the Red Sox lineup. This is in particular is allowing Ortiz to see better pitches at the plate, ultimately hitting more HR's, which Mark's team has proven.

5. Xander Bogaerts, SS, Red Sox, Marty Weeds - Each year this player has consistently grown and is deserved of this start at SS. Not to mention, one of the best middle infield combos with Dustin Pedroia.

6. Eric Hosmer, 1B, Royals, #CSATT - With all the injuries Kansas City has, Hosmer has been the stable force in the middle of their lineup and a huge reason why the Royals are in the thick of the AL Central Race. It's too bad Sean is waiting for football season. 

7. Mookie Betts, RF, Red Sox, Let Drake Stay!!!! - The energy and charisma this player brings each day to the ball field is what makes his talent such a desire. He is such a small guy and hits absolute bombs, while also maintaining a high level of play in the outfield.

 

8. Salvador Perez, C, Royals, brian's Team - Has not put the best #'s up offensively, but is hands down the best fielding catcher in the game. Can you say Gun Slinger Brett Favre?

9. Jackie Bradley Jr., LF, Red Sox, Shane Falcos - Held the longest hitting streak this year and is a magician at receiving balls off the green monster, just as bushell is a magician at receiving balls off his face.

Pitcher: Chris Sale, LHP, White Sox, Nolan's Team - What a jump from last year to this year with the strike out pitches. He is realizing he does not need to throw a 98 mph with two strikes and can let his fielders field. The Sox are finally giving Sale run support this year, which they have not done in the past. With only 12 Wins last year, Sale has proven to be an elite pitcher in the AL with 14 wins before the break & is the front runner for the AL Cy Young.

 American League Reserves

C: Stephen Vogt, Athletics, The Kekambas bitch - "He's not that good, the A's just needed a guy in the all star game." - Pat

C: Matt Wieters, Orioles, Springfield Isotopes - Great arm, great switch hitting catcher. 

1B: Migueal Cabrera, Tigers, Marty Weeds - A chubby force to be reckoned who likes to rake, like his manager. No surprise here, being the best hitter of our era. 

2B: Robinson Cano, Mariners, Cano can go - the reason behind this team's name, could potentially win comeback player of the year award. 

3B: Josh Donaldson, Blue Jays, Nolan's Team - One can make the argument that this player is the first half MVP. Has been on an absolute tear recently and also has a pretty cool haircut. 

SS: Francisco Lindor, Indians, Cano can go - The smoothest infielder who is also leading the 1st place Indians in the AL Central with hits & RBI's. 

SS: Eduardo Nunez, Twins, brian's team - "Another case of a ball club needing to put a player in the all star game. A former Yankee who is now enjoying his time at Target Field." - Pat

OF: Carlos Beltran, Yankees, Cano can go - A seasoned veteran who has been quite a surprise with his production this season. Leading the Yankess in most batting categories as they hope to continue a winning season like the Detroit Red Wings for the last 20 years of our lives. 

OF: Ian Desmond, Rangers, Cano can go - Thanks Nolan

OF: Michael Saunders, Blue Jays, brian's Team - Biggest surprise for me as I had no idea who this kid was until the All Star Game. Just another reason why Brian is leading this year because he is a nerd.

OF: Mark Trumbo, Orioles, tom's Team - Leads the league with 28 HR's at the half. A lethal Left/Right combo with Chris Davis in the power department. Look for him to reach 50+ Hr's at year's end.

DH: Edwin Encarnacion, Blue Jays, The Kekambas bitch - Leads this team's category in homers and RBI's. With the Blue Jays off to a slower start, partly due to injuries to Bautista and low production from Tulowitzki, Edwin has been a constant bat in their lineup. Look for this player to make a huge impact as the Blue Jays try to win the AL East.

AL Backup Starting Pitchers

RH: Marco Estrada, Blue Jays*, Nolan's Team - Hurt, one more rep in the weight room might have changed that.

LH: Cole Hamels , Rangers, #CSATT - Sean doesn't give a fuck so I don't give a fuck. 

RH: Corey Kluber , Indians+, The Kekambas bitch - With the whole pitching staff clicking, Corey "Ace" Kluber has been a dynamic presence on the mound, leading the first place Indians.

LH: Jose Quintana , White Sox+, The Kekambas bitch - Quintana is so deserving of this replacement role because that is simply how his career has gone the past few years. He works hard each start and has one of the lowest ERA's in the game, yet his Win percentage is low because the Sox decide to rest their bats each start he makes. Also referred to as the most underrated #2 in the game.

RH: Danny Salazar, Indians*, Mark's - Hurt, one more rep in the weight room might have changed that. Main reason why the Indians are leading the AL Central. Could be interesting to see who will start the Indians first playoff game if they can get past the defending champs.

RH: Aaron Sanchez, Blue Jays+, tom's Team - Idk who that is, gotta be a rookie or something. Canada sucks anyways. 

RH: Steven Wright, Red Sox, brian's Team - Knuckleballer through and through, just as this manager is known to go knuckles deep. Has been a huge part of the Red Sox success, with the slow start of David Price and their weak bullpen.

AL Relievers

RH: Dellin Betances , Yankees, Free Agent - Pick this dude up?

RH: Brad Brach, Orioles, Free Agent - Say 'Brad Brach' 3 times fast.

LH: Zach Britton, Orioles, The Boowahs - Led the league last year in saves for the AL. Continues that dominance this year as the Orioles definitely know how to close out games.

RH: Alex Colome , Rays, Free Agent - Currently renting out Tom's Condo because no one knows who this kid is and he can't afford rent as he is still in his minor league contract.

RH: Wade Davis, Royals*, The Kekambas bitch - One of the better transitions from starter-to-reliever in baseball. Has proven to close out the World Serives, we'll see if he can close out this up and down season for 'The Kekambas bitch'.

RH: Will Harris, Astros, Free Agent - Was an original member of the Hardball cast, pretty cool.

RH Kelvin Herrera, Royals, Free Agent - Herrera is a fun name to say. Kelvin? Not so much.

RH: Craig Kimbrel , Red Sox*, Free Agent - Speaking of names, how bad must it suck to have your first name be Craig?

LH: Andrew Miller, Yankees, The Boowahs - Is he going or is he staying? This begs the question: Are 'The Boowahs' going to make a run for that #1 spot?

 * injured/inactive, + replacement

AL All Stars Tally

The Kekambas bitch - 5
brian's Team - 5
Cano can go - 4
Nolan's Team - 3
Springfield Isotopes - 2
Let Drake Stay!!!! - 2
Mark's - 2
Marty Weeds - 2
#CSATT - 2
tom's Team - 2
The Boowahs - 2
Shane Falcos - 1

Tom Answers Why The American League Will Win The All Star Game

"Only a Sox fan and/or Timmreck would want the Cubs to have home field advantage. When the Cubs sweep the World Series, Game 4 will be in the Friendly Confines, and the city will instantaneously burn."

Week 14 - 1st Half Comes to a Close

QUIT SLEEPING ON YOUR TEAMS PEOPLE - IT'S ALREADY THE ALL-STAR BREAK

Week 14 Results

• Cano can go 600.50 def. brian's Team 527.83
• tom's Team 541.67 def. The Boowahs 448.67
• Mark's 446.17 def. The Kekambas bitch 383.67
• Shane Falcos 432.50 def. Marty Weeds 413.33
• Springfield Isotopes 422.00 def. #CSATT 401.17
• Nolan's Team 418.33 def. Let Drake Stay!!!! 329.83

 Week 15 Rankings 

1. brian's Team (11-2)
2. Cano can go (11-2)
3. The Boowahs (7-6)
4. Nolan's Team (7-6)
5. The Kekambas bitch (7-6)
6. Springfield Isotopes (7-6)
7. Mark's (6-7)
8. tom's Team (6-7)
9. Marty Weeds (5-8)
10. #CSATT (4-9)
11. Let Drake Stay!!!! (4-9)
12. Shane Falcos (3-10)

Game of the Week

This week was a no-brainer. The 1st place 'brian's Team' took on the 2nd place 'Cano can go' in what turned out to be a great matchup. Thus, closing out the first half with the top two teams facing off before the all-star break. Now, I would have loved to face Brian this next matchup (because it is 2 weeks long and we would have gotten the opportunity to push for 1000.00 points. With that being said, it seems fitting that the top 2 teams in their divisions got to face off for a barn burner, ultimately closing out the half at 11-2.

I can honestly say this was the best win for 'Cano can go', putting up 600 points, while also beating the 1st place team who has been on an absolute tear this year. Brian's Team is dominating in every single scoring category so I am glad my whole team decided to show up this week.These two teams went back and forth all week - ultimately at a tie going into the start of the games on Sunday. This is where I was at a clear upper hand (because I had a few more pitchers than Brian pitch twice this week - leading to a higher score for those pitchers). It was a well fought battle and both teams now have a 4 game lead on the 3rd place team 'The Boowahs'.

 Let's see what happens the second half

 

Here's some advice...

For those of you at the bottom of the rankings, I highly recommend looking to these two teams for a trade (I personally have reached out to many managers around the league stating I have many players on the trading block, as I am in desperate need of a pitcher - but no one seems to bite). Maybe this all-star break will spark a flame under your ass to get out of the bottom, maybe you simply don't care IDK.

Bottom line is, this is the worst time of the year for sports so why not go all in on your fantasy baseball team? Is it because we have a commissioner who sucks? Is it because Brian and I are too dominant? Is it because you still don't know how to change your team for the week? Is it because you don't like baseball? Is it because you stopped reading this post because we are over 500 words at this point? Well good, if you stopped reading this blog I hope you walk into on coming traffic while trying to catch Snorlax in Pokemon Go you chimp fucking little bastards.

Whatever the case is, step it up because the top 2 players are running away with this league.

League Leader Lashings

After my first lost last week I told ya’ll I’d get back on track. Unfortunately for Nolan, he was the sacrificial lamb. This young Cub was thrown into the Lion’s Pit and not even St. Thecla, "Pray for us," could help him win. Kid gave his all, but as we all know, you need to bring your ‘A’ game to beat the king. Now I’ll give my quick rundown of why Nolan sucks. 

1. Big time Timmy Jim is not your savior

2. When you went to the same high school as Pat Quinn, you got problems 

3. Kid can’t even drink… legally

Now that I’ve gotten past that, I want to talk about a gem that I found when cleaning out my room this past weekend. I’m gonna show one piece a week to keep everyone coming back, like a bag a crack. 

This 1st week is a picture of Joe muff diving a balloon. Before Joe B. ever spoke to girls he was faking football injuries, rocking a 70's haircut and going balls deep in inanimate objects. Gotta start somewhere I guess. Only took 24 years to get the courage to try the real thing. 

Joe looks as happy about mouthing that balloon as I am having two Marquette players on the Bulls. It Seems great right now and makes you cream your pants, but at the end of the day, it's simply going to be a mess you won't want to explain.

As for my next victim, I got a big inter-league matchup against 10-2 'Cano can go'. Guy has been playing some good ball this year, even though I hold a 565.20 total point lead over him. Not to brag, but I could sit my whole team this week and still be first in the league. Maybe you guys can quit sucking dick and try to compete, or is mediocrity the only thing they taught at an all guy's school?

Magic number for me to win the league is 11, since counting down the weeks I make the playoffs is poverty shit. 

Papelbon of the Week 7/7

This week's POW Award winner goes to Madison Bumgarner - Manger: Marty Weeds

We all know what Madison can do on the mound. He produces night in and night out as has the track record to be considered the best pitcher in the game right now. However, the reason he is taking this prestigious award this week is due to the fact that the San Francisco Giants elected to forgo a DH position in their matchup last week against the Oakland Athletics, ultimately electing Bumgarner to bat for himself -- in an AL ball park... That is BADASS 

 This guy rakes - & he wants to be in the HR derby - I say let the boy's play.

"Still, this is an unusual move. It's the first time a National League manager has let his pitcher hit in an interleague game. Other than a mistake Joe Maddon made when filling out his lineup card in a 2009 game -- forcing Andy Sonnanstine to hit for the Rays -- it's the first time a pitcher has hit in a DH game since 1976, when Ken Brett did it twice for the White Sox. Brett went just 1-for-12 that year, but hit .262/.291/.406 in his career, better than most middle infielders of that era. (Yankees manager Billy Martin used pitcher Rick Rhoden as a DH in a 1988 game, but he didn't pitch that day.)"source.

POW Award Count

• Springfield Isotopes (Roughned Odor, Johnny Cueto) - 2
• Let Drake Stay!!!! (Manny Machado) - 1
• The Boowahs (Noah Syndergaard) - 1
• brian's Team (Freddie Freeman) - 1
• Marty Weeds (Madison Bumgarner) - 1

Week 13 Roundup

*Next week we are going to have an MLB All Star Game Feature with a couple special posts from managers of The Nation, be sure to check it out. 

Sean after 4th of July Weekend

 Week 13 Results

• The Boowahs 584.83 def. Let Drake Stay!!!! 357.50
• The Kekambas bitch 563.17 def. Shane Falcos 449.00
• Brian's Team 556.17 def. Nolan's Team 528.83
• Springfield Isotopes 463.50 def. Mark's 408.00
• Cano can go 460.50 def. #CSATT 319.17
• Marty Weeds 420.67 def. tom's Team 373.17

Week 14 Yahoo Rankings

1. brian's Team (11-1)
2. Cano can go (10-2)
3. The Boowahs (7-5)
4. The Kekambas bitch (7-5)
5. Nolan's Team (6-6)
6. Springfield Isotopes (6-6)
7. MARK's (5-7)
8. Marty Weeds (5-7)
9. tom's Team (5-7)
10. #CSATT (4-8)
11. Let Drake Stay!!!! (4-8)
12. Shane Falcos (2-10)

Big wins this week from Marty Weeds & The Kekambas bitch after being listed on the Not so Hot list last week. Springfield Isotopes continues to climb the ladder jumping up to 6th place after starting the year at 11th. Still no sign of #CSATT, as this manager put up yet another week low score. Tough loss for Nolan putting up 528 points and still taking the loss. With a league high 32 moves to date, The Boowahs, continue to win and currently stand at 3rd place.

Game of the Week

Nolan vs. Brian

Refer to Player's of the Week for optimal feedback below.

NL Player of the Week

Danny Espinosa - Free Agent (picked up by brian's Team on the 4th) Two things - I can't believe Espinosa's week was for nothing & now Brian's Team got that much better.. Perhaps Brian will have too many chefs in the kitchen like the Warrioirs with Durant.



Danny Espinosa hit a pair of home runs -- including a grand slam -- in Sunday's 12-1 win over the Reds.
Espinosa launched a grand slam off Reds starter John Lamb in the fourth inning, but that was far from his only damage on the afternoon. He would also add an RBI single in the fifth inning before polishing off his lovely performance with a modest solo homer in the seventh inning. He finished the game 4-for-5 with a healthy six RBI. For the season, the 29-year-old shortstop is slashing .241/.341/.479 with 18 homers and 49 RBI across 261 at-bats. Espinosa's career-high for home runs is 21 (2011).

AL Player of the Week

Kendrys Morales - Free Agent (picked up by Nolan's team on June 28th) - Two things - I can't believe Morales' production was not utilized last week as Nolan was unable to place him in the lineup due to Pat's inability to change the rules of our league. Thanks Pat - Nolan, probably. 
This part is pretty hilarious - Nolan lost to brian's team last week (in which both did not play their respective player's of the week) and lost by ~28 points. Check out Morales stat line over that time period....

Morales blasted a three-run home run off Aaron Nola in the second inning before adding a solo shot in the eighth. Morales has now homered in three straight games and has six in his last seven. There isn't a hotter hitter in the majors right now, as an eight-game hitting streak -- during which he has seven multi-hit games -- has his overall line up to .267/.329/.470.

Here's a look at Nolan on his way to first, thinking he is going to beat the first place team....

 Only to take yet another devastating loss

Julio Urias: Fraud

Editor's note: This is an indirect response brought to you by Tom to my original post when Urias made his debut.

Julio Urias has been battling his entire life to be great at what he loves. A foreign born kid found his way out of Culiacan Rosales, Sinaloa, Mexico, and continuously strives for a better life. Even with one eye, Julio Urias has earned a spot in the Los Angeles Dodgers rotation and has pitched in a few major league games. Most would say he’s done the impossible, but this guy would say Julio Urias has pulled the greatest con job since Danny Ocean’s Heist way back in 2001. In fact, Julio Urias is better off than any two eyed pitcher in the league, and here’s a few reasons why:

1. History of International Players
2. Less Distraction
3. Success

I. Historically speaking, international players are more gritty, hard-working, and consequently, bigger cheaters than their American-born counterparts. Before you rush to any conclusions, let’s play Did He Or Didn’t He Fail A Drug Test.

Melky Cabrera: Steroid Abuser

Manny Ramirez: Steroid Addict

Eats Steroids for breakfast, lunch, & dinner.

 

Now would you like to know who DIDN’T EVER fail a drug test? Integrity-filled ball players in the likes of:

Barry Bonds: Home Run King

John Rocker: Model Citizen

Mark McGwire: Milk & Cubs Killer

See, history is on my side. Betting money says Urias’ dad Todd Marinovich’d Julio at a young age, except instead of tying the right arm behind the back, he threw an eyepatch up north for at least half of every day. I don’t blame him either; I love cheaters. One of my favorite players of all time was: 

  

WAIT

 

WAIT

lol

CRIME DOG BABY!

I’m also a massive proponent for a mandatory steroids and metal bats league. The XFL for football, except Vince McMahon runs it and someone could get smoked with a chair at any time. 

Conclusion: Urias recognized the higher potential for being a one eyed pitcher and seized it. 

Respect.

II. Julio Urias is exceptionally less distracted than any other MLB pitcher.

         

Here’s what I know: two eyed pitcher generally have a full range of view. They can check the runner at first, check the runner at second, check out the stands. Pitchers have just about EVERYTHING to check out before checking out home plate and delivering a strike. I completely get why Rick Ankiel used to nearly throw it over the back stop once every 10 pitches.

  

With that being said, I think it has just became clear to me.... A one eyed pitcher has cut his distractions by 50% (!!). One eyed pitchers, or more specifically one particular one eyed pitcher named Julio Urias, who did the “impossible” and escaped Mexico to finally pitch in the bigs. This guy cheated his way and was the mastermind behind the now known one-eyed conspiracy.  Julio Urias conned his way to the MLB. Julio Urias hoodwinked his way to the MLB. Julio Urias lied his way to the MLB.

Need more evidence? Here’s Exhibit A:

 

Here, Julio can only see 35% of the field. Whereas two eyed pitcher have the heavy burden of seeing about 70% of the field. If you’re a fan of numbers and saber metrics, here’s some quick mental math for ya. Julio is INHERENTLY 50% more valuable to a baseball team than ANY two eyed pitcher ever in existence. So why exactly did Julio do this? Perfect segue to my final point.

III. Success  

Who’s one of the most popular heroes to young ball players, like Julio Urias, and is wildly successful? 

Also part of the one-eyed conspiracy club

 

FETTY WAP!

So Julio Urias, a cunning young man, wanted to change from average to absolute savage, and discovered a way to be, naturally, the most valuable pitcher in the majors.

Success?

Success.

IV. Conclusion

Julio Urias, the fraud he is, Fetty Wap’d his way to the majors. He saw an opportunity to make it, and he took it. Can’t blame him, just pissed I didn’t think of it first.

Editor's note: right before I published this post from Tom - we have yet another one eyed pitcher in the big league -Phillies pitching prospect loses right eye in freak training accident

It seems as though Tom's National One-eyed conspiracy theory is catching on to kids in the minor leagues - check out for this kid to sky rocket to the MLB based on the evidence Tom has provided us today.