"All I remember about my wedding day in 1967 is that the Cubs lost a doubleheader." — George F. Will

Thursday, July 7, 2016

League Leader Lashings

After my first lost last week I told ya’ll I’d get back on track. Unfortunately for Nolan, he was the sacrificial lamb. This young Cub was thrown into the Lion’s Pit and not even St. Thecla, "Pray for us," could help him win. Kid gave his all, but as we all know, you need to bring your ‘A’ game to beat the king. Now I’ll give my quick rundown of why Nolan sucks. 

1. Big time Timmy Jim is not your savior




2. When you went to the same high school as Pat Quinn, you got problems 


3. Kid can’t even drink… legally





Now that I’ve gotten past that, I want to talk about a gem that I found when cleaning out my room this past weekend. I’m gonna show one piece a week to keep everyone coming back, like a bag a crack. 

This 1st week is a picture of Joe muff diving a balloon. Before Joe B. ever spoke to girls he was faking football injuries, rocking a 70's haircut and going balls deep in inanimate objects. Gotta start somewhere I guess. Only took 24 years to get the courage to try the real thing. 



Joe looks as happy about mouthing that balloon as I am having two Marquette players on the Bulls. It Seems great right now and makes you cream your pants, but at the end of the day, it's simply going to be a mess you won't want to explain.


As for my next victim, I got a big inter-league matchup against 10-2 'Cano can go'. Guy has been playing some good ball this year, even though I hold a 565.20 total point lead over him. Not to brag, but I could sit my whole team this week and still be first in the league. Maybe you guys can quit sucking dick and try to compete, or is mediocrity the only thing they taught at an all guy's school?

Magic number for me to win the league is 11, since counting down the weeks I make the playoffs is poverty shit. 

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