Week 9 Roundup

Strong Power Play On Free Agent Market Set's Tone For What Should Be A Tough Week 10

Check out this 2-Man Power Play we got from The Kekambas Bitch this week. Joe makes his first two moves to date with a splash off the diving board. I'm talking full on belly flop, you know the one. Those purple-plastered-patties were sore for days after a Norwood Park Pool field trip.

(I marked an arrow down for those who can't see well.)

The Kekambas Bitch snags highly anticipated FA - Starting Pitcher - Pittsburgh Pirates - Jameson Taillon

The Kekambas Bitch making moves before some of us are up who don't work. This will motivate me to get up early. Joe is on an absolute grind on fantasy in the morning. You know what they say, the-early-bird-drops-the-first-turd, and the one thing we can learn from this quote is: 'Exponentially serving, the one who takes the first dump in the morning, perpetually unnerving to traffic, vehicles swerving to avoid the mess that is in fact, a shit in your pants.

In other words, it would not surprise me if Joe has had to stop at the 94 Oasis on his way to work to drop a drump, which equivocally, goes hand-in-hand, or perhaps hand-in-hand-to-hand-whiping-ass-to-pick-up-the-latest-and-greatest-free-agent.

He clearly has proven his ability to outperform in the category of personal waste management, now we see that intertwined with great fantasy play. Joe is adeptly learning how to use these two forces together, in what is turning out to be a competitive advantage.

Think about it - How much more shit he produces ~Compared to~ How much more time he utilizes the fantasy app on the toilet.

I bet he averages more shit-to-fantasy ratio, otherwise known as the STF (St. Thecla Falcons) Ratio, than the average manager. He's literally calling audibles in the mix of a a tough one on the toilet..

This is also a manager to look out for, as we now know Joe has located the Add Free Agent button. It only took him 9 weeks, but beware.

Highlights From The Week

I blogged last week when Mookie Betts had a 3 home run night. That was just the start of a special week for him. Not only did he have a 3 home run night, but went on to hit 2 more the next day, bringing a total of 5 home runs in two days. The funny part, Corey Seager did the same thing:

"Corey Seager became the first Dodger with a three-homer game since Adrian Gonzalez on April 8, 2015 against San Diego and the first rookie in franchise history since Don Demeter on April 21, 1959 against San Francisco." source

 

(He went on two hit 2 more the next day) Unreal stuff, these are 22 and 23 year old kids, respectively

From Seager To Sager 

I wanted to just touch briefly on Craig Sager. Last week, he threw out the first pitch at the Cub's game in front of his family and an awesome crowd. He also performed during the 7th inning stretch. He's a local guy who loves watching the Cubbies. I think it is great what Sager is accomplishing each day, as he continues to battle Leukemia, ultimately spreading awareness and bringing a publicly tough battle to the limelight. I think it is a testament to his character and how he truly is just a likeable guy. 

"Anytime anybody ever mentions the name Ernie Banks, I solute, no matter where I am." 

- Craig Sager

With that being said, I wanted to mention the story of how I actually saw Sager sing the 7th inning stretch. Joe and I were at Pat's watching the Sox probably, when I eventually asked Pat if he could check the Cub's score (I tend to take about 30-45 minutes before I ask him to check the Cub's score, as he seems to be less angry then.)

After a brief argument, he turns the channel and Sager was on the screen promoting Cancer Survivor Month. I thought this was fitting being that Pat is a Cancer Survivor himself. It was a special moment where we got to witness Sager Kick Ass, just how we got to witness Pat kick-the-masses-asses 6 long years ago. So here's credit to you Pat, Sager sang the stretch loud and proud for all survivors. Congrats on kicking Cancer's Ass Pat, and thanks to you & people like Craig Sager, we all get to witness what true character is.

 

Mat Albers, a.k.a. Bat Albers, a.k.a Double Chin Bers, a.k.a. King of Chaw Hits Long Double - Goes On To Scores Game Winning Run For The White Sox In 12 Inning Thriller

 

 Full Highlight Here. - Bonus Hawk Harrelson Laughs at Albers.

  

James Shields Traded To White Sox

I thought this was a pretty interesting trade for the Sox this past week. I know Shields signed a $75 million dollar deal with the Padres in 2015, which turned out to be the largest in the organization's history. Now, June of 2016 they are shipping him off. I wanted to get an expert's opinion, so I asked the Manager of Team Marty Weeds to provide me a quote for the record on the James Shields Trade.

Here is what Jack had to say:

"Sox will finally get an experienced 5th starter - they don't call him "Big Game James" for nothing. If the Sox need a push, which at this point in the standings they certainly do, they need a guy with experience. Sale has never been in a big game, Quintana & Rodon are both young as well. Having Shields is going to be a huge asset to the team. In regards to the money, they got a steal - old veteran guy, who we are paying basically nothing compared to the experience he will bring to the Sox rotation. As far as fantasy, he will get more wins, but won't so much as have an immediate and/or significant impact production wise." - Jack Wietelspach

I guess time will tell......  

Week 9 Results

• The Kekambas Bitch 527.67 def. Let Drake Stay!!!! 388.00
• Cano Can Go 518.17 def. Shane Falcos 381.67
• Springfield Isotopes 514.50 def. Tom's Team 446.67
• Brian's Team 471.50 def. Marty Weeds 414.67
• Nolan's Team 470.17 def. Mark's Team 454.33
• #CSATT 442.67 def. The Boowahs 436.50
• (^Another deafening loss we see on Sunday Night Baseball, #CSATT can thank Trevor Story for the win.)

Week 10 Yahoo Rankings

1. Brian's Team (8-0)
2. Cano Can Go (7-1)
3. The Kekambas Bitch (6-2)
4. Springfield Isotopes (4-4)
5. Nolan's Team (4-4)
6. Tom's Team (4-4)
7. Mark's Team (3-5)
8. #CSATT (3-5)
9. Marty Weeds (3-5)
10. The Boowahs (3-5)
11. Let Drake Stay!!!! (2-6)
12. Shane Falcos (1-7)

P.S. Whoever first points out the Pearl Jam Lyrics I conveniently mixed in this blogpost, will receive a prize (baseball related). Please note: These lyrics are not, however, word-for-word in the blogpost. Keep in mind that these lyrics are from a song that was hosted on a Pearl Jam of the Week.
(Got to guess the lyrics & song right in order to win the prize.)